How to Gain Respect and Influence Without Resorting to Political Games

Respect is one of the deepest, yet most elusive, desires of human beings. People yearn to be admired by their friends, families, and colleagues. They chase titles and positions of power in the hope that these will earn them recognition from peers, superiors, and everyone around them.

While many understand that respect and admiration must be earned, fewer realize the true price that must be paid to attain them. This lack of awareness often leads to misplaced efforts—pursuing credentials, playing political games, undermining others, or engaging in manipulative tactics—only to discover, in the end, that people still hold them in low regard.

Respect cannot be bought with money, nor does admiration automatically accompany success, status or position. So if respect does not yield to wealth or title, how then can one truly command the respect and admiration of others?

Here are three principles to gain respect and influence without politics:

1. Let the Experience of You Exceed the Reputation of You

It’s one thing to have a good reputation, it’s another to live up to it, and it is yet another thing to exceed it. Your reputation may precede you, but it should never exceed you. In other words, people’s experience of you should always surpass what they've heard.

In the Biblical story of King Solomon, when the Queen of Sheba visited King Solomon, she remarked, “The half was not told me.” In other words, Solomon's wisdom, wealth, and hospitality far exceeded her expectations. His reality outshone what she heard.

The most critical area where your lived experience must exceed your reputation is character. Be a person of integrity—someone who consistently aligns words with actions. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This is the foundation of excellence.

In world-class restaurants, the food is not just good—it’s better than advertised. In elite companies, customer service doesn’t meet expectations, it exceeds them. Likewise, people should find that knowing you is even better than hearing about you. They must trust you—with time, with money, and with their confidence.

This requires a commitment to continuous personal growth, especially in character. Without integrity, all your achievements will be overshadowed. The fastest way to lose respect is to lack character—especially when others trust you with power or resources.

2. Until People Know How Much You Care, They Won’t Care to Respect You

We’ve all heard the saying: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” In the same vein, people won’t admire or respect you if they sense you’re only out for yourself.

We live in a world where people can quickly discern selfishness. If your decisions consistently benefit only you—if your ambitions regularly come at the expense of others—admiration will always be out of reach.

Ask yourself: Are people at the center of your decisions? If given a choice, would you rather lift others or lift yourself? Do you celebrate others’ progress or secretly compete with it? Do you support your peers—or work in the shadows to bring them down? Do you make unreasonable demands of others just because they are close to you? Do you go out of your way to help others, or is the help you offer contingent on a future reward? Do you publicize good acts or humbly keep them hidden? Is your passion for others authentic? When things go wrong, do you blame others, or accept the consequences?

To be respected, you must be known for how well you care, how generously you serve, and how selflessly you lead.

3. Give Respect Freely

You attract what you give. If you want to be respected, start by giving respect.

Unfortunately, many are too self-absorbed or competitive to acknowledge the greatness of others. They struggle to celebrate someone else’s achievement or offer sincere praise. But admiration flows where it is first given.

Don't hold back encouragement. Be the kind of person who sees and acknowledges the value in others. Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues, look for moments to offer genuine recognition and appreciation. Small gestures of respect often return to you in amplified form.

In Conclusion

Respect and admiration are not entitlements—they’re outcomes. They are earned not by titles, but by character. Not by ambition, but by care. Not by demanding recognition, but by giving it.

Live with integrity, put others first, and give freely what you wish to receive. Do this consistently, and you won’t have to chase respect—it will find you.